Kindergarten lunch quiz

The following quiz is what we call in the media a “repeatable feature,” one that is keyed to a recurring event. As September approaches, the recurring event is the start of school, and this quiz is dedicated to kindergarten teachers everywhere.

Question 1: In any kindergartner’s lunchbox on any given day, mommies are likely to put: (a) unpeeled orange; (b) unpeeled hardboiled egg; (c) bag of chips; (d) energy bar; (e) zip-top can of pudding; (f) fruit juice in pouch with straw packaged in cellophane on the side; (g) yogurt in container sealed with space-age adhesives; (h) orange juice in container sealed with space-age adhesives; (i) any three of the above.

When a kindergartner needs help opening something in his or her lunch, the kindergartner is most likely to ask the help of: (a) school principal; (b) best friend; (c) school custodian; (d) president of school board; (e) kindergarten teacher.

If there are 28 kindergartners in a class, and 28 bring their lunch to school, how many are likely to need help opening something in it: (a) 28; (b) 28; (c) 28; (d) 28; (e) all of the above.

Zip-top cans – where you pop the key one way, then pull the other way to remove the lid – were invented by: (a) Osama bin Laden; (b) Johnson & Johnson; (c) yogurt lobbyists; (d) U.S. Dept. of Education.

If lunchtime is 35 minutes, how long does it take to peel 28 oranges?

to get the shell off a hard-boiled egg without gouging out bits of egg, you need: (a) scalpel; (b) tweezers; (c) brain surgeon; (d) 45 minutes; (e) all of the above.

If you hand back to a kindergartner an egg with bits gouged out of its smooth surface, the odds he will eat it are: (a) 100-1; (b) 99-1; (c) 98-1; (d) 97-1; (e) 96-1.

The term “hermetically sealed” derives from: (a) the ancient Egyptian practice of burying valuables with their dead deep in the core of mammoth pyramids so the devil himself could not get at the valuables; (b) from Nepalese hermits who fell into crevasses where they were sealed in ice, sometimes for centuries, before archaeologists could chip out the well-preserved remains; (c) from Hermes, courier for the gods who, to preserve confidentiality, placed the gods’ dispatches in a magic pouch that he sealed with a flame from the sun.

True or false: The easiest way to open a hermetically sealed bag is to tear down through the seal with your fingers.

T or F: The easiest way to open a hermetically sealed bag is to rip down through the seal with your teeth.

T or F: The easiest way to open a hermetically sealed bag is to grip it on either side in clenched fingers and pull until your rotator cuffs shred.

There really is nothing to threading a straw into a foil juice pouch if you: (a) are in the third year of medical school; (b) can open locks just by feeling the tumblers drop; (c) take it to the kindergarten teacher.

After lunch, who gets to take a nap? (a) kindergartners; (b) kindergarten teacher; (c) president of school board; (d) U.S. Dept. of Education.