Writers 7, Reality 0

Did you happen to watch the Chargers-Colts game on national television Sunday night?

The game was entirely scripted by the Writers' Guild. The writers have been out on strike for a week now. For a group of people accustomed to coming up with funny sketches on deadline, a week of idleness was maddening, cruel and unusual. So the NFL and NBC came up with this way to give the writers some relief. It was a win-win for the league and the network, making the best of the kinds of scheduling gaffes that regularly occur when prime-time matchups are scheduled months in advance on old expectations.

They provided the writers a simple premise: "The Colts can field only 17 players on offense. The Chargers couldn't beat the Montessori junior varsity. Give us a 60-minute script."

The result was impressive, a three-hour show that only seasoned television writers could dream up. It had a soap-opera pace, the barest relationship to the reality of football as it is played by professionals, heroes and tragic figures popping up unexpectedly, turning tides, Baskerville atmosphere, slow dramatic development with a late shock, and, of course, no ending. Nobody won. I have never seen a football game that engendered such despair in the winning fans.

Of course that was the genius of the script. The writers had Mr. Clutch, Adam Vinatieri, miss a 29-yard field goal at the end. If he makes it, everyone reacts normally. Indy fans sigh, Chargers fans scream, and a terrific script is wasted.

So the script has Vinatieri missing, and haunting conflict settles over all. In Indianapolis, where last year's Super Bowl trophy sits on a shelf, a fan writes to say he has hauled all Colts materials out of his house and is waiting for the trashman to pick it up. In San Diego, fans say, we won, so why do I feel so bad? "Chargers won," writes a fan, "but, how embarrassing!!!!"

You just don't find conflict like that in real life. My hat is off to the writers. I wonder how they got compensated? Official Tom Brady jerseys maybe. They can sell them on eBay to buy groceries until the strike is over. I, for one, hope it is over soon. I never want to sit through another football game like that.