I just had an idea so horrible that I call on an exorcist to come over and take it out of my head as if it were never there. It doesn't have anything to do with politics, so you are safe to read on if you wish, though it has in fact crossed my mind that there are some members of Hillary's Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits who wouldn't mind if somebody approached John McCain with an exorcist or a jackhammer with the idea of emptying his head of Sarah Palin as if she had never been there.
I was watching the college football scores on the little TV in the kitchen with the sound turned down low yesterday afternoon when I saw that Texas was beating Fla. Int'l, 7-0, in the first quarter. Three or four scores later, I noted that Kansas and Fla. Int'l were scoreless in the first quarter. First thought: it's a typo. Second thought: Fla. Int'l has two football teams.
Horrible! But it was too late. The idea was had, and vibes fanned out from it into the universe. Why it scares me so is that I have had these kinds of ideas about television sports before. In the early 1980s, I realized that television sports producers would think nothing of finding sponsors for time-honored baseball functions like strike one, strike two and strike three, caring not at all how such an idea would aggravate me and, incidentally, trivialize the game and belabor our enjoyment. The only reason the idea has not become reality is because sponsors can't decide which strike would make them look best, a strike being anti-success for half the potential customers. There is no lack of hallowed baseball functions, however, which now are brought to us in behalf of cars and beer. A few seasons ago, there was an attempt to put ads on the bases. It failed, but it was close, and it will come up again.
It did turn out to be a typo. The morning paper shows Texas beating Fla. Atlantic and Kansas vanquishing Fla. Int'l. Ten years from now, I don't know. Like so many other businesses, college football people know they are not in the college football business. They are in the television business, whose commodity is commercial time. If a 154-game baseball season is good, won't a 162-game season be better? How many wild card teams would it take to have three seven-game playoffs before the World Series? How about football games on Monday nights? How about football games on Thursday nights? How about a two-minute warning? How about commercials after the kickoff?
In the television business, the only thing better than one U.S.C. football team is two U.S.C. football teams. Two Notre Dames, two Texas Longhorns, two Fla. Int'l's, etc. When one Texas team is playing at home, the other is playing on the road. Will it work? I don't know. I hope I don't have to find out.
It's already here, brother. On some Texas Rangers broadcasts, when the first strike of the game is pitched, they say, "That's strike one. Strike back at fireants, call………" The Cowboys have sponsors for first downs. kickoff returns, time outs, etc. But Jerry has to pay for that monster he is building in Arlington somehow.
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling weel.