The Right Wing, starring Mitch, John and Mr. President

Sen. McConnell's office. Speaker Boehner enters, stern-faced. He has just given a brief statement to the press, critical of the President's refusal to consider Plan B.

"John," says Mitch, "this 'Plan B' idea has been inspired from start to finish."

"Thanks," says John, his face relaxing a bit. "My Indiana grandpa told me, 'Boy, if you want to split a rail, you have to have a rail to split.' His wisdom has worked for me before."

"So this time, Plan B is the rail," says Mitch, remembering John's confidence on Monday that the Times would characterize it as "a scaled-back" plan, made more palatable to House Republicans by raising the tax-increase threshold to people making $1 million.

"I have to say, it's going well," says John. "Of course we knew the President would threaten to veto it immediately."

"I thought the tone of your reply to him – 'bizarre and irrational' – was spot-on," says Mitch. "It kills two birds with one stone: distances us from the President with words that will energize the tea partiers."

John smiles. "Well, and then, Norquist hops on board, too." He read from the Post: "Grover Norquist, the longtime anti-tax advocate, had blessed Mr. Boehner's plan as compliant with his 'taxpayer protection plan.' Norquist seemed to bend his longstanding, absolutist principles to issue the endorsement."

"Brilliant," says Mitch. "The tea partiers are going to vote 'no,' no matter what anyone says, while the centrists, the 'New GOP,' can vote 'for,' and cite Norquist's new 'relevance to tax debates,' the Post says, which is exactly what he wants."

"By this time tomorrow," says John, "the rail should be split: the New GOP accepting Plan B, the tea partiers rejecting. Then the whole thing goes away when the President vetoes it, we get back to serious business, and the tea partiers are split away from the New GOP, and headed toward irrelevancy before the year is even out."

Mitch scratches his head. "You know, I thought it would take us a year to get the tea partiers out of the picture, which had to happen before we could move forward with the New GOP's 'A New Era for America.' And now it's almost done! I don't know how it could have happened any better."

"It is time we had some good news around here," says John.