The Country of Texas

A sort of trial balloon started moving around the Texas email circuit in 2009 when someone named "Dallas" suggested that Barack Obama's election to the presidency was sufficient cause for Texas to secede from the Union.

Now the balloon has been updated to suggest that Obama's re-election would be sufficient cause for Texas to secede from the Union. I am a native Texan, and thus received a copy of the proposal in an email last week from a lifelong Texas friend.

Writing for "The People of Texas," the author says, "We Texans love y'all, but we'll probably have to take action if Barack Obama wins the election. We'll miss you, too."

Texas would secede in summer, 2013, and elect George W. Bush President of Texas. "The Country of Texas" would have everything it needed to survive, the author said: plenty of oil and gas, including natural gas; a thriving computer industry; top-flight medical care and research; lots of excellent colleges and universities; an "intelligent and energetic" work force unhindered by "a bunch of unions;" essential control of paper, plastics and insurance industries, a well-armed, easily mobilized civilian militia with the Texas Rangers to back them up; total sufficiency in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruits and vegetables; three of the 10 largest cities in America; and three of America's 10 largest ports.

"There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have," said the author. "Don't regard this as a threatening letter. It's just a note to give y'all something to think about."

So I did think about it, and I agree there isn't a thing out there that The Country of Texas needs and doesn't have. Hey, they'll all be under 65, too, since everybody on Social Security and Medicare will have to leave.

I’d think twice about G.W. Bush, though. He’ll cut everybody’s taxes, then as soon as he sniffs out WMDs in Las Cruces or Lawton or somewhere, he’ll deplete the treasury faster than you can say Billie Sol Estes. I think they should consider Jerry Jones instead. But wait: he ain’t natural-born; he was born in Los Angeles. I'll be danged, Bush ain’t natural-born, either (Connecticut)! Maybe one of them could work, if they-all don’t have a lot of birthers down there.

I emailed my old friend and said I will still come see him sometime, if I can get through Customs.